Surviving Break-Ups

Bismillah. This is the topic that I always always and always avoid to discuss. I know that Hanis Zalikha just blog about this topic due to many demand. I might not as fame as her, and not even close but try me, many people have been asking me this question for god knows how many times. Many as if a big numbers that finally pull off my limits to respond and re-blog about this to shut them off. No kidding.

I am a strong girl who keeps her stuff in line. Even I have tears going down on my face i managed to say the two words, Im Fine. I have go through a serious relationship before. And have go through a serious heartbreak as well. And the next day, i was found party hard like nobody business. Here comes to the point that people starting to ask me this lame question. How did you survive in Break-ups?

A question that I cant barely answer since a year ago. I dont know how to answer that question but literally as you can see i kept myself busy with work, school, family, hobby, social life, events and friends. I even have the urge to migrate to a country that nobody knows me so that i can built up a new life where I can walk anywhere on the street without have to remember any fucking stupid memories. Bulshit. Trust me, I have been doing this for years. It does not work at all. So take my advise, if you are surviving break-ups and you kept yourself busy just to get rid of how much you miss... You are so wrong.

Maybe it works sometimes, but at the end of the day, loneliness strikes and your mind start to distract by that idiot ex boyf/gurf. Then you start to sobs, listen to the stupid Gio-Bila Cinta song, delete him from fb, browsing your couple picture, start cursing, sob again, make a big triple layer spicy tuna sandwich, watching your homemade dating video, big sob, eat cartons of ice cream, get the handphone, text him/her, ego strikes, msg saves in draft, sobs again, sleep, the next morning you look completely like a miserable loser. This is what will happen if you think that busyness is the solution for moved on. Well thats what i thought for the last few years.

Until last week, i went to MasterChef audition. Stage 3. They ask me a sensitive question that I refused to answer. I failed that stage. Since then I try to comfort myself that i failed the stage because i cant do public speaking. It is funny that sabya is in the event & marketing field. And she cant talk. In fact her presentation skills is much better than some people in the industry and still she cant talk. Bulshit. I have been spending so many nights thinking why I should lie to myself. I failed that stage because I refused to answer that fucking question. A sensitive question that i dont wish to talk about. Refusing is a big no in reality shows. I have been spending so many nights thinking the reason why I cant answer that question. I perform solat, solat and solat for so many nights. Why Allah?? One night i found out the answer. Because I have not moved on. I know it is very pathetic to discover that you are still not moved on after years. At least i felt grateful to notice this now rather than get to realizes it after 10 years. And the reason why i havent moved on is the ANGER. I thanked Allah. It is fascinating how hidayah can comes in many forms of your life.

ANGER is a big barrier on why you cant survive in break-ups. And forgiving is the best fight for anger. I perform solat again and again. Asking for direction. Then I learn to forgive... Only god knows how much i was hurt, distressed, depressed, demotivated, dissapointed, crushed because of the past man of my life. It is very sad when you have given all out commitment to the loved of your life just to found out that in the end they crushed your heart into brittles. It is pathetic to see how much love can turned into a buckets full of hatred.

When you start to hate, ANGER revolves. No matter how happy your lifes are, trust me, you are not moving on if the anger is still there. Forgiveness is the best solution. Most importantly, do not hold grudges on others. Forgive and forget. I know im not the best person to talk about this. But this is something that i wanna share after so many nights of munajat. I put my guts on to blog this out because i have been there. Why Islam encouraged us to forgive everybody around us before we sleep? Because we never know when we will die. Kun fayakun. The only sins that Taubat doesnt accept is dosa sesama manusia. A sin that only can be forgive by the respective person. If you ever hurt other people feelings and you dont have the chance to seek forgiveness, that is very shame of you because you have the time of your life to do so and you did not.

I learned that it does not matter who's on the fault. Do seek forgiveness and forgive others. Thats what i do currently. Try to forgive and forget. I put my ego down. I call, i text, i skype, i do whatever it takes to make things clear. Maybe some of them does not even bother but its okay, at least i have done my part :) And now i feel relieved than ever........... Im at the stage of really MOVED ON and praying the best for them :) Although the damage is done, I did seek forgiveness from my ex's when the fact that I think it should be the other way around. But its okay. Allah knows the best and thats the path that i see for now. I have done my part and at least if I die tomorrow i have no regret :)

Nota Kaki: I will come back again to MasterChef next season, put my brave face on and said that I cant answer your question a year ago because I was dumb, i get emotional instead of professional, my mind get distracted by people that does not even bother about me. Im not coming back here for fame. I dont give a damn if I cant join MasterChef, i just wanna tell you that the answer for the question is that, I am now completely moved on and I have no interest at all towards my ex's. Its their lose not mine. TQVM :)